Core+ Pursue Relationally

Session 4: Pursue Relationally
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Value Statement: Pursue deep relationships with one another, based on love, acceptance and forgiveness. 


Ice-Breakers:

1. If you were in a real “pickle” of a situation, who would be your first call?
2. How many of your relationships would you consider to be real friendship?
3. How would you define the difference between someone who is an acquaintance and another who is a friend? 
4. Do you consider friendships to be important?  (What is your criteria in considering someone for friendship?)

The Necessity of Deep Relationships: If you are a somewhat normal human being, you have a need to be loved and to love.  (Don’t mix this idea up with the sexual-drive)  In God’s wisdom you will find the idea of developing deep relationships completely separated from human sexuality.  (Please note: Every deep relationship, outside of marriage, will be severely damaged by introducing sexuality)

• What is the difference between love and lust?  (Love puts the need of the other person first.  Lust is completely about self-gratification)
• C.S. Lewis remarked: “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” 
• Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”  This implies that lust is a form of covetousness.  It is either coveting something that someone else has or something that you don’t have.  This is not a good foundation upon which to build relationships.

Here is the crucial question: “Do you know how to BE a good friend?”  This happens to be a question that most people do not take the time to consider. 

• Romans 12:10 (NKJV)  Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.
• Romans 12:10 actually details the two foundational principles that are necessary to “being” a friend.
  1. Be kindly affectionate.  Greek Word: philostorgos (fil-os'-tor-gos)  This Greek word is speaking of the type of love found in natural relatives.  Devotion to one’s family is a strong bond.  This scripture is calling us to build relationships on the foundation of brotherly love.
  2. Give preference.  Friendship is not about “what’s in it for me?”  Friendship is about what I can give.  This is based on Christlike humility.  Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV) 3  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

The question we should be asking ourselves is not, “How many friends to I have?”  We should be asking, “How many people am I being a friend to?”


The Sign: John 13:34-35 (ESV) 34  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

• What is it about “loving one another” that makes it a sign to the world?
• What is it about “loving one another” that makes us different than the world?
• Can we actually have a credible witness to the world without “The Sign?”

Wrap-up: Friendships generally do not develop without an investment of effort and time.  This is true of all the important relationships in our lives.  What are some of the barriers that keep us from developing deep relationships in the context of the church?

1. We are too busy.
2. We are from a different generation.
3. We are from the opposite gender.
4. We don’t share many common interests.
5. 5.A lack of love or interest.

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