Session 4: Pursue Relationally
​
Value Statement: Pursue deep relationships with one another, based on love, acceptance and forgiveness. 


Ice-Breakers:

1. If you were in a real “pickle” of a situation, who would be your first call?
2. How many of your relationships would you consider to be real friendship?
3. How would you define the difference between someone who is an acquaintance and another who is a friend? 
4. Do you consider friendships to be important?  (What is your criteria in considering someone for friendship?)

The Necessity of Deep Relationships: If you are a somewhat normal human being, you have a need to be loved and to love.  (Don’t mix this idea up with the sexual-drive)  In God’s wisdom you will find the idea of developing deep relationships completely separated from human sexuality.  (Please note: Every deep relationship, outside of marriage, will be severely damaged by introducing sexuality)

• What is the difference between love and lust?  (Love puts the need of the other person first.  Lust is completely about self-gratification)
• C.S. Lewis remarked: “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” 
• Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”  This implies that lust is a form of covetousness.  It is either coveting something that someone else has or something that you don’t have.  This is not a good foundation upon which to build relationships.

Here is the crucial question: “Do you know how to BE a good friend?”  This happens to be a question that most people do not take the time to consider. 

• Romans 12:10 (NKJV)  Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.
• Romans 12:10 actually details the two foundational principles that are necessary to “being” a friend.
  1. Be kindly affectionate.  Greek Word: philostorgos (fil-os'-tor-gos)  This Greek word is speaking of the type of love found in natural relatives.  Devotion to one’s family is a strong bond.  This scripture is calling us to build relationships on the foundation of brotherly love.
  2. Give preference.  Friendship is not about “what’s in it for me?”  Friendship is about what I can give.  This is based on Christlike humility.  Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV) 3  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

The question we should be asking ourselves is not, “How many friends to I have?”  We should be asking, “How many people am I being a friend to?”


The Sign: John 13:34-35 (ESV) 34  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

• What is it about “loving one another” that makes it a sign to the world?
• What is it about “loving one another” that makes us different than the world?
• Can we actually have a credible witness to the world without “The Sign?”

Wrap-up: Friendships generally do not develop without an investment of effort and time.  This is true of all the important relationships in our lives.  What are some of the barriers that keep us from developing deep relationships in the context of the church?

1. We are too busy.
2. We are from a different generation.
3. We are from the opposite gender.
4. We don’t share many common interests.
5. 5.A lack of love or interest.

​Value Statement: To be a community of people who devote ourselves daily to a dynamic growing personal relationship with Jesus. 

Ice-Breakers:

1. When the word “discipline” is used, do you have a positive or a negative reaction to the word?  (How would you describe the concept of “discipline?”)
2. What come to mind when you think of the spiritual disciplines?  (What are the current spiritual disciplines that you apply to your life on a regular basis?)
3. What is the difference between mainstream “good food” and food considered gourmet?  (How adventuresome are you in trying new foods and spices?)
4. Do you feel that you have already explored and applied all the spiritual disciplines that are available?  (There are mainstream spiritual disciplines; beyond that, there are spiritual disciplines that are outside the mainstream; such as meditation, specific fasting, writing and singing new songs, praying without the understanding, nature walks, etc.)

The Necessity of Spiritual Disciplines: In my experience, people who do not practice the spiritual disciplines in their personal life will struggle with stunted spiritual growth and maturity.  They are the spiritual babies that the writer of Hebrews eludes to in Hebrews, chapter 5. 

• What are some of the symptoms associated with spiritual immaturity?  What are some of the root causes of spiritual immaturity?
• 2 Timothy 2:15 (ESV)  Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.
• “Do your best” is translated from the Greek word “spoudazō” (pronounced spoo-dod'-zo)  Spoudazo means to make a diligent effort.  In context this means that the fully devoted follower of Jesus is making a diligent effort. 
• In terms of our spiritual life, what are some of the “where, how, what and why” to making a diligent effort to present ourselves as approved before God?

A disciplined life: Unless a person is unusually gifted it will take regular discipline to become a master in any particular skill.  This is true whether it is a physical, mental, relational or spiritual pursuit.  (It is estimated that a person needs to put in about 10,000 disciplined hours of study and application to master a skill)  This is also an important factor in being successful.  According to author Alan Loy Mcginnis, the keys to success look like this:

1. Do something that you have a passion to do.  (Pursue something that you love)
2. Learn how to do it better than anyone else.  (Master the discipline)
3. Do it over and over again.  (Repeatedly doing something that you are skilled at doing will build a great reputation)

Take a moment and apply the keys to success to your own life.  Are you pursuing something that you either love or are called to do?  Have you mastered a discipline?  Are you building a great reputation by doing what you are skilled at?


The Spiritual Disciplines: The call to “make a diligent effort” to “be” a fully devoted follower of Christ will require spiritual discipline. 

1. Bible Study.  This includes studying, reading, listening, memorizing and meditating on God’s Word.  (Why is this necessary?)
2. Prayer.  The Bible tells us to pray always; and about everything.  (Why is prayer necessary?)
3. Worship. This includes singing, dancing, artistic expressions, playing of instruments, writing songs, writing poetry, etc.  (Why is worship necessary?)
4. Fasting.  This is a method by which we intentionally crucify the flesh.  (So, why fast?)
5. Reading.  This would be reading Apologetics, Church History, Commentaries and other books that deepen our spiritual understanding.  (Why is reading helpful?)
6. Fellowship.  We are to be like iron that sharpens iron.  (Why do you think fellowship is helpful?)

Wrap-up: How old were you before you were able to feed yourself?  It would be a tragedy for a normal person to be 35 years old and still be unable to feed themselves.  Permanent babyhood among Church goers has become more the norm than the exception.  Why is this a problem?    Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What spiritual disciplines am I applying on a regular basis?
2. What would need to change in my life in order for me to become a spiritual leader in my home, among my friends and in my church?
3. Do you feel that you have grown spiritually in the last year?  (What has changed?)
4. In terms of your Bible knowledge; are you happy with your status quo or are you wanting to know more?

Matthew 5:6 (ESV) “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”

Vision Statement: "To be a Church Community that is an authentic expression of Christ."


​​Ice-Breakers:

1. In terms of how it relates to being a fully devoted follower of Christ what do you believe is the difference between “doing” and “being?”  (In other words is our relationship with Christ about “what we do” or more about “who we are?”)
2. How do these two elements (doing and being) shape our relationship with God and our testimony to the world in general?
3. What are some of the characteristics that should be evident in a community that is an authentic expression of Christ?  (What are the essential characteristics that should be abundantly evident?)
4. How far is the gap between where we are and what we aspire to be?  (How does this gap diminish our testimony to the world and what can we do to close the gap?)

The Case for Developing a Clear Vision:  The vision for the church is not an arbitrary choice; in fact, if our vision does not align itself with God’s purposes, it is not a vision to be pursued. 
Proverbs 29:18 (ESV) Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law.
Proverbs 29:18 is telling us that “our” vision must be “prophetic.”  That means that it is in line with God’s will.  Our vision is only as good and effective in as much as it has been revealed by God for the purpose of our obedience in living it out.
Exploring the Vision: Let’s take a look at some common scriptures that help us define what it means “to be” an authentic expression of Christ as it applies to our church community.

• The “New” Commandment:  John 13:34-35 (ESV) 34  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

 
This commandment is critical on two levels: Firstly, it is important to the spiritual integrity of the church.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, without love we are just noisy, unequipped and without purpose.  Secondly, this commandment is important to the cause of evangelism.  Love, specifically the love expressed in the church, is THE sign to those outside the church that we are Christ’s disciples.  Without expressing Christ’s love to one another we are inauthentic.
 
Instruction from Paul:  Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV) 1  I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2  with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3  eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

• The idea of conducting ourselves in a way that would be considered “worthy” is not an attempt on our part to “earn our salvation.”  This deals with living our lives in such a way as to bring God glory.  (If you are “saved,” how are you living out your salvation?  What does your testimony look like?)
• Paul talks about some of the Christ-like character that should be found in the way we live life together.  He mentions humility, gentleness, patience, love, and unity of the Spirit which is achieved by maintaining a bond of peace.
• Why maintaining unity is challenging.  The opposite of humility (pride) is the chief enemy of maintaining a bond of peace.  Most church arguments are composed of two sides who are convinced that they have the moral high ground.  The sides would rather fight than submit to one another.  These issues must be resolved through Christ-like humility, gentleness, patience, love and a desire to put unity above winning the argument.

 
The Fruit of the Spirit:  Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV) 22  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

• The Church must produce the right kind of fruit.  The Apostle Paul identified this fruit as the “fruit of the Spirit.”  This fruit is the evidence that the Spirit of God is working in and through the lives of His disciples.
• Please note: There is no law against expressing the fruit of the Spirit.

Wrap-up: The world (those outside the church) is watching us.  Do we represent Christ well, or does the accusation that we are hypocrites have merit?  The vision is to represent Christ in a way that is authentic and brings God glory.

1. What steps are you taking to walk in the humility of Christ?
2. Are you satisfied with the status quo of spiritual fruit in your own life?  (How can we produce both more and better spiritual fruit in our lives?)
3. In my interactions with other believers, am I more apt to give advice or submit to advice?
4. How is my relationship with Christ critical to the vision of the church?